On Yom Kippur, the day where Jews delve into self-reflection, mend sour relationships and pray for a clean slate from G-d, we are supposed to say "I'm sorry". This year, what if I'm not sorry?
About a year ago I moved back to America from Israel. In my seven years there, I learned many things.
I learned about justice and to pursue it.
I learned to stand up for myself.
And most importantly, I learned that I don't need to apologize for the results of other people's shortcomings.
Over the last year, I have had two jobs.
In the first job, I was hired by someone who ended up leaving two days after I started. I was left with a boss who did not have a background in the profession, and had little knowledge about what she was hired to represent to the outside community. I had a really hard time respecting her role in the capacity, especially after being told that I was hired to make up for her lack of knowledge in the area. I didn't, however, have just knowledge. I had passion, experience, and a genuine desire to help my department excel.
In the second job, I was hired by someone who claimed they wanted to retire and wanted to groom me as their replacement. This new boss brought me in to expand the organization, so I created innovative programs and updated communications tools (social media, website, new branding) in ways that had real potential to exponentially increase the successes of the organization. I help to shift the organization to just that- an organization- instead of a one-person-show, ensuring that even after the leader's departure, their legacy would live on in the organization. I had brought the community together around a cause and created a real buzz. It was incredible. Things were looking up, or so I thought.
In my first job, I was beat down, minimized, and demeaned on a regular basis. I was told that no one ever is interested in talking to me, they always mean they want to talk to my boss when I interact with them. I was isolated from the community, and made to feel that my sole purpose was to sit in my cell (office) and sit idly while I saw things happen that were against my very core beliefs and principals- in other words, unjust. I left that job, and I'm NOT sorry. I'm NOT sorry that I wouldn't respect the person hired to be above me, and I'm NOT sorry that I stood against injustice.
In my second job, after a disagreement with my significant other, my new boss had changed my work space from a spacious office with floor to ceiling windows to a tiny cubicle in the corner of another office. He demanded that I be available to work 24/7. He took away responsibilities and started telling me things like "You suck the air out of the room". And then he took away my major programs that were supposed to grow the organization. In other words, he took away my ability to succeed. I refused to accept this new reality and decided it was time to stand up for myself. So I left.
I remained civil throughout both cases, and never told either boss exactly what I saw was happening in their organizations. Both were cases of severe dysfunction on totally different scales. One was a person who was hired without any experience in the field and had no business representing a community that they, themselves, were not really a part of. The other was a person who was so engulfed in their own ego that they refused to collaborate with anyone.
Both of these people gave me reasons to walk out, never to look back. In doing so, they were, unbeknownst to them, freeing me of injustice, freeing me of the serious dysfunction I had seen as a thread running through this community's professional leadership, and freeing me to pursue my goals and dreams of uniting us all under a common cause. I will not apologize.
This Yom Kippur, I will reflect upon the last year, I will make amends with family and friends I may have hurt, but one thing is for sure-when it comes to my professional life over the last year, I'm not sorry.
